Living Will jokes

Which room is the safest place in the house?

The living room.

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

Who lived? The married people!

Our hairline goes way back before dinosaurs lived.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"

"Only in your dreams."

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

What do you call a house with no one living inside?

An orphan house.

I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"

Yo mama sooooo stupid, she bought tickets to Xbox Live!

My live.

Raju: How about you, Sunil?

Do you know?

Sanju: Sunil is my long distance

is a brother.

Raju: Long brother?

Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.