A Chinese Drunk and a Jewish Drunk are sitting together on a park bench...
After finishing his drink the Jew takes his bottle and *smashes* it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" ask the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle, and *smashes* it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg.... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
what do you call two lesbians in a closet. A liquor cabinet
What would throw between a priest and a nun a bottle of whiskey
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Oooh, I fall apart Oooh, yeah, mmhmm She told me that I'm not enough, yeah And she left me with a broken heart, yeah She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought
I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out . The cashier said never mind
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had. The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation." The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!" One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
Don't Touch My Truck-By: Breland and Sam Hunt
You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my V8 engine with the windows tinted Boy, we came from the bottom, got it out the mud Whole block jumpin' 'cause the subs stay hittin' If they roll up on me, know I keep one tucked (ooh, yeah) Woo Tell them boys come and get me I be ridin' through the city Young, rich and I'm pretty Homie, don't get it twisted Keep a semi in the hemi (oh) Red cup full of Henny My hitters come in plenties, for real You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my Wood grain dash with the matte black finish And it match my shawty with the big ol' butt Know them boys soft 'cause they got hard feelings You can try me if you wanna go and test your luck (woo) Tell them boys come and get me (get me) I be ridin' through the city Young, rich and I'm pretty (yeah) Homie, don't get it twisted (yeah) Keep a semi in the hemi (in the hemi) Red cup full of Henny (yeah, we drinking) My hitters come in plenties, for real You can drink my liquor You can call my lady You can take my money You can smoke my blunt Scuff these Jordans You can say you hate me You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my Woo, ooh, woo, ooh, woo, ooh Don't touch my truck (woo, ooh) Don't touch my truck
I just got off the phone with kristen stewart yesterday she said I was invited to her cookout this Friday i said I'll come by and bring some drinks like wine beer and liquor so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Knock knock who"s there? it's the grim reaper grim reaper who? The grim reaper who is about to come in your house smoke some weed drink some grim reaper liquor and then get drunk.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.
AYO IMAGINE HAVING A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN BUT INSTEAD ITS COST A BILLION DOLLARS A GALLON AND YOU HAVE A HUNDRED THOUSANDS THAT NUMBER WILL NEVER EQUATE TO HOW MANY PORNO MAGAZINES AND ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES AND MALY LIQUORS STOLEN FROM MY BROTHER BEDROOM AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT AT BEING EDGY AYO MAYBE INSTEAD OF THE FUTURE CARS BEING POWERED BY PETROLEUM OIL AND GASS BUT WITH HOT CHOCOLATE
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics They only come out for the Booz
Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it's her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer and gets drunk. As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking 'I will fly down.......and have sex with her sooooo fast "BURP" that she WON'T know what happen. "HICKUP" He flies to her faster than a speed of light BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and flies away with a smile he passes out and crashed into a wall. Wonder woman jumps up and screams 'WHAT WAS THAT........ the invisible man appears holding his butt and he gets off on wonder woman and says 'I dont know but my butt hurts real bad'.
Candy is dandy
But liqour is quicker.
the past, present, and future walked into a bar. it was tense
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!
