Last will jokes

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

Famous last words:

"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."

I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

Q: What were my son's last words before he died?

A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

[Link to YouTube video]