IT jokes

Is it just me, or is it normal to you when people scream?

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.

Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

Oh my Prince, I've loved you ever since the day we met.

When I was caught in your net of love, sweet love... It's all above...

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

Kenya text: Guys, leave Gwen alone! Pls! It is not her fault...btw STOP AND GO TO ATHORE JOKES

When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?

Just barely hugging you! Lol.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

Dear Kenya, I am very sorry for how rude I was to you. I just want you to know that I'm on your side and I'll never do it again. - Sincerely, Gwen

Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?

The orca Don-tist.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

Hey Qwen, it's me.

It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.