Humor

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.

I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.

How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?

Cheddar!

Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.

I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.

Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.

Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.

I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

"Deznuts up your ass."

(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?

No?

Well neither did she.

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.