Time management jokes

you play gatcha life more like go get a life.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".

I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.

Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!

Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.

"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.