Orphans prayer In the name of the The son The holy Spirit Amen
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread Doughnuts because there holy
Your mama so fat when Santa saw her he said ho ho holy S***
Jesus took bread and said: "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said: "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
There was a woman named sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed she her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big! Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 55378008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
The priest wantes the little boy to touch his cross the boy said its hard then it shot out holy water and the priest said come again and taste the second cumming of jesus lmao
If you shit in a church is it a holy shit?
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin the bartender said to her I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink and she said not usually but I am doing the bishop a favour the bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening and she said no I am with the bishop tonight.
Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water
what do u call a cow that has been shot
holy cow
me:*gives her 5 dollars* climb that flag pole cute female:*takes the money and goes up the flag pole* is this good me:hell yeah thats a nice veiw *next day* heres 10 dollars if u do it again *she goes up there* me:hows the veiw *she goes home and her mom sees the money* her mom:where u getting this money her daughter:i climbed a flagpole her mom:you know he just want u to to see ur panties right *she goes back and does it again but doesnt wear panties* me:holy shit ;-; her mom:did u do it again her daughter:dont worry mom he didnt get to see my panties her mom:...
how to make holy water 1-grab a pot 2-put water in it 3-set the stove to 420 degrees 4-boil the hell out of it
I entered kians house, at the top of the stair i was greeted my greatest fantasy, JOHN, he said in a manly tone, "hello there" i walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back, as i walk past his room i felt uneasy , i walk into kians room to find no one, i turn around and gasp, john is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer, he pushed me onto kians bed, the bed was that bad it broke as i fell onto it, john says "a broken is nothing to worry about" i look up at him in disbelief, hes more masculine than i thought, he thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch, he then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point i knew it was to late john, the fart he ripped(sticky to the touch) had me so in shock i wasnt ready for what was next, he picked and jamp on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadyl, sticky to the touch fart id ever seen, it knocked me out, i awoke to find i was in the WALLS, i looked out to find i was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, i fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, i heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" i then knew i was in for some kian treats The end
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
Youre mama so ugly, When Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said,"HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
