Hold jokes
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."