Historical figure jokes
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.
"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.
"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"
What do you call Adolf Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?
Because she's dead.