HI jokes

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

What does Jeffrey tell his white teens?

You want to take it orally or through anal? Joke, I'm not asking.

I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"

Hi, I'm Yeff.

There was a dude. He had a mondo dong.

His wife was like, "Yo, where are your balls?"

The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies, "I knew those meatballs tasted weird!"

How did the guy greet his wife?

"Howdy, sister!"

Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.

Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.

Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

Why did the chicken cross to the U.S. from Mexico?

To get to the U.S., but he had to show his papers first.

Why did the idiot post so many 9/11 jokes?

Answer: Because his mom is a whore!

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

So I punched an orphan...

What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???

What did the feather say to his wife?

You light my day.

Hi, I'm new to this website, please follow.

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!

My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

You're snorting cocaine with your buddies. Your eyes are closed, feeling the bliss of drugs, when suddenly something wet touches your nostril. Your buddy Mark stuck his PENIS in your face. You look up at Mark, and he says, "I'm sorry," and runs away, his pants still down.

What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.