Helen jokes
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?
Helen Killer.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.