Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
If batman is half bat and half human how was he made.
"He wasn't because u can't f*ck a bat"
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery? Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you Girlfriend: Ok cool I won 12 dollars heres 6 and don't come back
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
I cut my dick it is all right now and half the size but makes for excellent breakfest
Yesterday on the school bus my freind infront of me said she was 41% irish and 15% Mexican then my freind siting next to me said “wow almost half leprechaun” then I said “yeah and 15 percent wall climber”
I am a God Na, na, na, na, na, na Yeah She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume Half dead, but she still looks so cute She is a monster in disguise And she knows all the words to the trap songs Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
What is 8 divided by 2? Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half)
yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says hey fat b**** break your fat a** in half so u wont weigh as much
Obi wan be like to earth maul lightsabers are blue lightsabers are red I cut you in half why the fuck aren’t you dead
People on the Titanic were Cracking Up at my jokes, so did the Titanic, No Really the Titanic Cracked In Half
i scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now i own her, only 3.99 with tax. Thats a steal and a half woopeeee!
What show do gay men watch?
2 and a Half Men!
Lol at this one fellas! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
A fireman a policeman and a carpenter went on a fishing trip, the fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers and they are half brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father but they are not brothers, how is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments the answer will be reviled in 24 hours.
why are half the orphans missing? because i took them ofc! :]
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple? My cousin: the other half.
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
