Hades jokes

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.