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How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.

Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!

There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

If you are homeless, get a home.

Why did the duck cross the road to get some quack?

What do orphans get on Xmas?

Lonely.

If you are poor, get money.