Friends jokes

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Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Impatient feminist.

Friend: Impati--

Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?

My Friend: What’s that?

Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.