What do you call your retard friend?
A homie with an extra cromie.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"
The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday he said it was the most violent book ever
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
me: knock knock friend: who's there me: a broken pencil friend: a broken pencil who? me: nevermind its pointless
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
