I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that too."
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
