Farmer

Farmer Jokes

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: I killed your horse... The second quickly left and when he returned he said: We have poisoned all your cows

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

You know you have twisted humour when you crack a smile when a minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the coloured ones

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow, the cow said to another cow, "it's a miracle, I'm pregnant." the other cow said, "that's impossible it's only us cows in the field you must be joking." The first cow said, "nope I'm serious... no bull."

Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?" Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."

The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."

Its about bottling Its about crying I stay finished I fake retire Put in the diving Put in the ghosting And take my fake trophies Eibar and Bolivia in my veins My barcelona banged by Bayern I bottle the game so whats my farmers name (Pessi)

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers. He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career. In the trailer Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

You caught a Penaldo! Description: Penaldo, the finished statpadder. It is said that Penaldo drains the energy of its teammates and sells underwears. Type: Ghost type Moves: Dive Disappear in big games Cry for pens Statpad vs farmers Sells underwear