Orphan

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

Rape

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Michael Jackson

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

Ass

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Hairline

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

Mom

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.