Exactness jokes
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
James: I have a joke. Sex!
Ronny: I don't get it.
James: Exactly.
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.