Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.

Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”

Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”

Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”

Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”

Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

A baby skunk’s mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn’t know what he is. So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks ‘What are you?’, the baby bunny replies ‘Well I’m a baby bunny. What are you?’ the baby skunk says 'Well I don’t know am I a baby bunny too?' the baby bunny says ‘No you’re not a baby bunny.’ so the baby skunk asks 'Well what am I then?' the baby bunny replies ‘Well you’re not exactly blank and you’re not exactly white so you must be Mexican.’

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”

Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

James: I have a joke. Sex! Ronny: I don’t get it. James: Exactly.

Voldemort: Knock Knock. Harry Potter: Who’s There? Voldemort: You Know. Harry Potter: You Know Who? Voldemort: Exactly!

my friend; yo stupid me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there

/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" “To the morgue.” “What? But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet.”

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire? —You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters. He was a great πthon.

A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said “what happened to your hand?” looking at the scar tissue near the father’s knuckle, the father replied with “you know what happened, you were there.” the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they’re exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there’s only one painting.

(on thirteenth birthday) Girl: Ma, why did papa leave? Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago…

U: A life Other person: I don’t get it U: Exactly

Jack: Hey Josh! Josh: What? Jack: Sex Josh: Huh? Jack: SEX!! Josh: I Don’t Get It Jack: Exactly ;)

Dark Humor: Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap Son: Mom, I’m blind Mom: Exactly Inspired by my derp other half

a neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. when i said “in the bed” my neighbor said, " oooooohh, how long is the penis?" i said wait here, and i interupted my parents while they were doing some “buisness” and asked my dad the exact question he said. then he spanked me.

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in. “Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor” she said. “S’truth, Sheila!” Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. “You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber.” They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. “No way, we can’t do it!” Cobber said, “So let’s try Plan B” “Plan B?” exclaimed Bruce, “What’s that?” “I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her” replied Cobber. “Spot on” Bruce said, “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples” “Play with her nipples?” Cobber said, “Not exactly a good time for that mate” "No… " Bruce replied, “But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper”

People with down syndrome have a specific skill only they have, they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.

disabled people can help wold to get printed copy of " LEANING TOWER OF PISA "

exactly leaned at an angle

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