A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
kid asks "what is dark humor?" me *points*"see at that guy across the street..." kid:"i can't... I'm blind" me:"exactly "
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Itenticle.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister
Daughter: But I don't have a sister
Dad: Exactly
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
My friend: "Yo, stupid." Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?" My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever." Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
People with down syndrome have a specific skill only they have, they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said "I will fuck you up", she said "try me", so that's exactly what I did and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying
James: I have a joke. Sex! Ronny: I don't get it. James: Exactly.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
kid "whats dark humor" mom "you see that man over there without arms tell him to clap" kid "I am blind mom" "exactly" said mom
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
/Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" "To the morgue." "What? But I’m not dead yet!" "And we’re not there yet."
