i was in cooking class and my teacher said - does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?
me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
long story short the teacher understood the joke and now we are both in daily therapy 😭💀
A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.
How do emo's compliment each other?
They say " I like your cuts g"
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
2 pedophilles talking to each other: do you got 2 fives for 1 ten?
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
When two wheel chairs hit each other is it a fender bender
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :) -> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game and here in this world we are here for each other although at times it might not seem like it. keep strong and you'll find the end of the tunnel but ending the pain and bieng gone just spreads depression.
atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touch each other or anything, so sir, I did not drop-kick that child
