A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
What do Michaelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says.. cock a doodle doo The prostitute says.. any cock will do
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."
How do you get four prostitutes on one chair? You turn it upside down
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two now they're a sensitive topic.
What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common?
Little boys pants half off.
Me:if the skinny person goes skinny dipping then what do fat people do?
my friend: Chunky dunks
I do t get why cancer is so hard to beat. I’m already on stage 4
