Doctors jokes

Migraine

    • One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

    The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

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    • Boob

    • Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

    I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

    Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

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    • Monkey

    • 5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

    Calculator

    • There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

    Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

    69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

    58008 (flip calculator)

    Boobless.

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    • Doctors memes

    Cancer

    • Doctor: I have bad news.

    Man: What?

    Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

    Man: Oh, no...

    Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

    Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

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    • Doctor

    • You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

    Viagra

    • They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

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    • Batman

    • Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

    Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

    Confidentiality

    • Julius Caesar & Tork Poettschke at the doctor's office:

    "The doctor has now sent me the bill."

    "Make him aware of his duty of confidentiality!"

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