Doctors jokes
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!