Do jokes

Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?

In the mooseum.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?

De-calf!

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

How do you know when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.

How do you make a baby cry?

You run over it with a lawn mower.

How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?

Her crayons are still wet.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.

After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

I'm a proud racist. I love kart racing, street racing. Any kind will do.

What do you call a white person from Africa?

Albino.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.