Die jokes
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Why did Queen Elizabeth II die? She forgot to heal after all those storms.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
Why did Technoblade die?
'Cause he wanted to Skyblock in Heaven!
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
Obama: It smells like UpNigga in here...
Trump: What's UpNigga?
Obama: Omg did you say the n word?? Die!!!