Die jokes

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

Me die.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

People love you.

Don't die.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.