Delusional jokes

What do you call a feminist with a rape whistle? Delusional and optimistic.

Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.

I would like to say that Jace, I disagree with you a lot, and I think you’re a very delusional person.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.