Declaration jokes

I am funny.

I love you, Hebrew John.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

Q: What did one atom say to the other?

A: I have my ion you.

What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.

What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

I shit on your furniture.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.