me:*gives her 5 dollars* climb that flag pole cute female:*takes the money and goes up the flag pole* is this good me:hell yeah thats a nice veiw *next day* heres 10 dollars if u do it again *she goes up there* me:hows the veiw *she goes home and her mom sees the money* her mom:where u getting this money her daughter:i climbed a flagpole her mom:you know he just want u to to see ur panties right *she goes back and does it again but doesnt wear panties* me:holy shit ;-; her mom:did u do it again her daughter:dont worry mom he didnt get to see my panties her mom:...
Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Knock knock who there interrupting cow interrupting cow moo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
One day you where at the store and you see you in a cart and so you get out and it was a mirror 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work 😂😂
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson's song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked "What are you doing" and the Daughter replied "I wan't the chocolate"
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name rose? Dad: because a rose landed on your head. Girl 2: Hey dad, why is my name daisy? Dad: because a daisy landed on your head. Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr! Dad: Oh, Hey Brick!
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
Daughter: Dad
Dad: Yes honey
Daughter: Im Lesbian
Dad: Ok
Daughter 2: Dad
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: Im lesbian too
Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here
Son: I do...
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week." They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Q:what type of mother gives there daughter sperm. A:a furry mother
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
So I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier. The looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
