Crowd jokes
When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To NAVIGATE his way through the CROWD.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the concert?
In case his lyrics made the crowd jump!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.
That face needing some laughing pills.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.