Contagious Disease jokes

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...