Complication

Complication jokes

Car Accident

121 views ·

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

"I have good news and bad news."

The wife said: "What's the good news?"

"We managed to save his arm."

"What's the bad news?"

"We couldn't save the rest of him."

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  • News

    101 views ·

    A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

    On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

    The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

    The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

    Road Trip

    391 views ·

    A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

    The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

    The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

    Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

    Incest

    225 views ·

    Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

    I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

    Abortion

    12 views ·

    A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

    Fart

    4 views ·

    Me: "I came home laughing."

    Parents: "What's wrong?"

    Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

    Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

    Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

    Parents: "What is it?"

    Me: "Who farted?"

    Status

    456 views ·

    Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

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  • Community talk

    [Intro] Nothing but a new bag, yeah Nothing but a new bag

    [Verse 1] Yeah, nothing but a new bag to get in myself Nothing but a new glass to put on my shelf I was too gone to be feeling selfish Fuck changing, no, I can't propel it Waiting on chances to feel open Taking on dances in the moment Chase the recognition, get noticed I give two fucks ’bout the dude who wrote it But I'm all clear in the head for once I'm off… Read more

    Suggestion for Matt: Add a feature where typing in a certain word/phrase in the search bar will show all the COMMENTS where it has been used.

    That might get complicated due to the high volume of comments on the site, but even just having the search bring up posts with comments containing the word/phrase could be pretty useful.

    Scripts.com Bee Movie By Jerry Seinfeld

    NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yell… Read more