Classroom jokes

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?

Their foreheads are angled.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?

That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

A kid walks into the classroom on time.

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

Teacher: This assignment is big.

Student (male): I have something that's big.

Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.

Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.

When the school shooter finds you under the table,

"Wonderful weather we're having!"

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

Because that's the average classroom size.

Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.