New Citizen Jokes

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?

Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.

What do you call people from Paris?

Parasites.

I'm illegal.

Yo mama's so fat, brexshit is deporting British citizens.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."