children's hospital jokes

What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?

No seriously, what is it?

Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."