Pediatrics jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?

Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

What is a neonatal's first time in the world?

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.