Pediatrics jokes

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

What is a neonatal's first time in the world?

My kid had an accident.

That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.

What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?

Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.