Captain jokes
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.