Captain jokes

Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?

Answer: A hooker.

Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second-hand store.

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

What cereal do I eat?

Captain Bolts.

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

Titanic was sinking.

Passenger: "How far are we from land?"

Captain: "Two miles."

Passenger: "Which direction?"

Captain: "Down."

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.