An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount, I served in the war?" The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?" "Nein," said the old man.
A husband came back from business trip and found out that she was pregnant at first he got a bit suspicious but then he just ignore And hugs his wife with happiness the second when he meet his friend and tell him the news the friend just said " wait what I thought she was on pill"
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies "No"
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up" she replied
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"
The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
Teacher- Tim where are your parents its been 15 minutes!? Tim (Orphan)- yeah um, they cant come. Teacher- why not? Tim- they're too busy working in heaven
why did theautistic kid walk across a busy road?... He was chasing is mind and got hit my a car
Can people please shut up about 'male privileges'. There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood, men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of “women only” events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic depute
Women have the right to rape a man or boy and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up feminists please.
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get the open a shop on it!
Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"
Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now this essay counts as the final grade for the semester, now do it or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100 and we'll start reading from there, do you all understand?
Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today ... do we?
Mrs. Lewis: Yes! Is today!
Andrua: It sounds boring and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way to much of instructions.
Mrs.Lewis : Anyway, let's get to work.
56 hours later.
Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your eassy. When I call your name Carl.
Carl: Why me. Yes?
Mrs.Lewis : What did you like about the story Carl?
Carl: Um ... I liked it when ... um ... um ... um ... um ...
Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's to busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!
Carl: Jeklen shut up and stop biting your hair.
Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.
Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?
Carl: Will, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so ...
Vronica: For real!
Carl: Mhmmm
Mrs.Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!
Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.
Mrs.Lewis: Yes?
Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?
Mrs.Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!
All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!
Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?
Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the bordom!
Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee
Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11 ... I think ...
Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.
Oh sorry ... I think.
Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?
All students: That not a thing!
I never heard it ...
Mrs. Lewis: Will, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!
Khloe: Why?
Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.
Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?
Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!
Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...
or I dont know!
prince / lord tallie Leave Gwen alone for once! by the way you are an idiot!
Gwen The prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!
prince / lord tallie Oh don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late night talk? My wyfi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘
Gwen Oh thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!
Gwen Bo to boring jokes
Tanner Fuck off
Kenya Bailey Excuse me?
Gwen Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?
Zre Who the hell is tanner?
Ha Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!
Kenya Bailey Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes
ha Yes you're right
Zre Ok
Zre Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this your toddler's toy! Even though i thought i was prince
Gwen I thought Prince was dead so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there" the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked "do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" the boy replied " "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing" said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "you never told me that you were so religious" the boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist"
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
whats another place orphans cant work at besides SC Johnson
The Home Depot.
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak.
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mine?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals, the people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up!
Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...lets see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
Producer: we need to stop testing out products on animals. CEO: shapoo companies do it all the time Fairchild republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion where yesterday’s lost is today’s sauce
Once Jimmy was minding his own business then he hears his mom comes home he asked "where have you been?" she replied with "I was at work" yet he knew his mom did not have work so the next day while heading to school he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant and they want to try there device and they need the baby dad to say if its alright
Welcome to Jimmy’s orphanage and pizza shop where today’s loss is a sauce how may I help you
