British person jokes

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.