Behavior jokes
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them.
How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.
What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?
Nothing, they both spout shit.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
BlessedBrian is always stupid, but he’s been making a SPECIAL EFFORT recently.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
What does your mom say when she is working?
Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
What's the difference between a bird and an emo?
Birds fly.
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they are fucking assholes.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."