Behavior jokes

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

Hahahahaha......... Autism.

A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...

Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

Say "urine egger" five times fast.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Why did the booty break up with the fart?

It was just too much GASLIGHTING.