cancer is so easy to beat im already at stage four!
Cancer is like a video game
Some people can not beat it
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was," Act like your hard but your dad beat you harder."
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
why do i call my dog a vibrator?beacause every time my dog acts like a dildo,i beat him, and when i beat him,he shakes.what do you call a shaking dildo?A vibrator,therefore i call my dog a vibrator.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan? They can't tell their parents
What's the difference between my dad and my step dad? My step dad beat my ass before he left
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes
Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I wa finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve. Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up? Skelesore.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers
Friend:How dark is your humor? Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer.
A prostitute can beat my d**k anyday, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer...
