And jokes

What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?

Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?

The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They can't see their parents.

What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?

There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.

Your forehead and your hairline must be old friends, because they go way back.

Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.

What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

What do pears and emo kids have in common?

They both be hanging.

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

What do you call someone without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.

Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!

What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?

Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.

How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.