Along Jokes

Knock knock

Who's there

Insomnia

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore...

"Oh waiter! Waiter!"

"Yes sir?"

"Do you have frog's legs?"

"Why yes"

"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

As l get older I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice

This song is sus Because I’m happy CLAP along if u fell like happiness is the root What are u clapping

A priest is drowning in a river... A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn't you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn't take them! "

if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.

What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

Mooooooooooo along

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for your self. Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for your self be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for your self and others if they need it. Best-Gwen

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her." (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

as i grow older, i remember all the people i lost along the way. maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

So I saw a bag full children near a dumpster, I guess we know where the Orphans are when the parents didn’t want them..

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic Priest comes along, otherwise the Priest will have new sex toys..

A Muslim enters a building...

Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

the reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

why don't chicken and sheep get along? because they have beef between them

Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund? The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie".

A 60 year old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12 year old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared”. The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone”.

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

I was in a bar in Italy, me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number, I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found, I turned back then I saw Pessi running with it, shame on you Pessi for ruining my night! 😭