Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
Allowance Jokes
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...
...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.
What's the difference between a flower and an orphan?
One is allowed in the house.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.
Why wasn’t the orphan allowed on the game show?
The show was called "Family Feud."
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.
Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?
'Cause he's dead like their parents!
Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.
What type of movies are orphans not allowed to watch?
PG movies.
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?
"No computers allowed on the test!"
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
