Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?
Bisexual.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.