PurplePanda

Registered on · 19 followers · Last active 1 month ago

Jazzy, please explain everything that happened... I want the tea. Also, Jazzy, what happened to your phone number and Insta?

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" whack.

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

Kid 1: Words can describe how ugly you are. Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are. Kid 1: Aw, thx! Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

Kid 2: No!

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

Hey guys, I have a question.

Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?

If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”