What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
GOLDEN
@golden
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.
Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a COVID test.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall? A walnut.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?
They have a history of separating colors.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
My great grandpa killed Hitler.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.