I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".
Like if you know someone is emo
A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said "Sexy."
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
My sister's bf is mad at me cuz I fucked his girl
Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle
My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry ...I stop soon
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Sex is like math
You add a bed 🛌
Subtract the clothes👚👕👖👙
Divide the legs🪢
And pray you don’t multiply 👨❤️👨👩❤️👨👩❤️👩
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
