I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras but then I heard popping behind me
What do oranges sweat?
Orange Juice 😂🍊❤️
What do you call an orphan family photo A selfi
Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don’t even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍 After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
I TOLD MY WIFE SHE WAS LOUSY IN BED SHE REPLIED I GUESS YOU HAVE BEEN SEEING YOUR X GIRLFRIEND UH
Why cant orphans have a funeral? Because their parents wont be there
I did a bunjee jump for charity recently. It was called spastics on elastics
Warning Warning Warning Warning.
Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
friend. your mums fat
Me well your mums so fat she played pool with the planets
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer…but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. “I’m so sorry,” he declared! “I don’t know what came over me, and realize I shouldn’t have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way…what did the chicken do?” 🐔😂
Dad:im dying Son:hi dying, im [name] Dad:really, now is not the time Son:im sorry Dad:hi sorry im dad (dies)
Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was going home and walk home and I got home
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that’s silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What’s the catch. That’s almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry.
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it’s is absolutely worth the purchase.
I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend? Ain’t you got no cents? Piggy: Actually, no. Just pork.
THE TUPPERWARE PEOPLE CAME TO OUR HOUSE. THEY ASKED MY WIFE WHERE’S KITCHEN. SORRY I HAVE ONLY LIVED HTERE FOR 3 MONTHS. BUT MY JEWELRY IS UP STAIRS IN MY JEWELRY BOX LOCATED IN MY BEDROOM