Did you hear about the fish and chips fish got battered chips got a salted

My grandpa and your hairline go way back

Why ain’t Indian packiscan aloud in the World Cup of baseball? Every time they hit a corner they open a shop

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor said, “I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient”. Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants. Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control. Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?" The patient says, “Have you got any cream for it? It’s swollen.”

I’m just here to say that I don’t approve of political jokes…

I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

Yo hairline i so bad when you look in the mirror yo hairline looks like an endangered specie

Your hairline is vegeta’s upside down

They say they found water in mars Mars 1 Africa 0

What happen to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?

They get choked.

Just because I don’t like Lewis Hamilton, doesn’t make me racist.

Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and…a Tesla.

Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the fuck was that noise?’

Captain of the Titanic: ‘where’s all that fucking water coming from?’.

OH look ITS UR ANUS

latest news a new planet has appered close to uranus

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

There was a new kid in my school the first thing the teacher said was me u the basement NOW

One day i told a kid what 2 x 12 was he said he didn’t know i said lets go to my basement and figure it out he is still in my basement trying to do the equation

Before my grandad died he whispered to me is your uncle still in the basement i said he has died oh my grandad said i will lock him in heavens basement

My brother got his legs chopped of but someone FBI opened my basement door but it wasn’t my brother because he died of starvation in the basment